


The Difference Between a Slytherin Sex God and a Pureblood Catch

by Invisible_Sarah



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, F/M, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25197460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invisible_Sarah/pseuds/Invisible_Sarah
Summary: The difference between a Slytherin Sex God and a Pureblood Catch is the length of time it takes to convince Hermione Granger to go on a real date.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 16
Kudos: 110





	The Difference Between a Slytherin Sex God and a Pureblood Catch

The difference between a Slytherin Sex God and a Pureblood Catch is the length of time it takes to convince Hermione Granger to go on a date. 

A Slytherin Sex God smells heavenly, leaves you breathless with their kisses, as well as brokenhearted. They get anybody they want despite their blood status and current relationship status. When they walked into the room, they are able to demand attention without opening their mouths. As well as takes perfection in their outward appearance to an extreme sport. Effortless beautiful.

However, a Pureblood Catch is someone that possess most of those abilities. Draco Malfoy for instance, is angelically beautiful with his masterfully ruffled hair, tight shirts, and his signature smirk. Women fall to his feet, but they do so based on his name and fortune rather than his allure. Which means it takes him considerable effort for him to get Hermione Granger to realize that he’s trying to court her. 

It took 1,892 days.  
268 lessons in the Rehabilitation and Sectarianism Healing program or better known as RASH held every Sunday afternoon.  
An estimated 200 pep talks in the bathroom mirror.  
64 classical novels.  
30 horrible pick-up lines curtesy of Blaise Zabini  
24 coffee “dates” to discuss the books.  
17 failed attempts to ask her to dinner.  
10 bouquets of flowers.  
6 complaints to the Ministry about her too short skirt length.  
4 birthday presents.  
3 Christmas gifts.  
2 shots of Fire Whisky.  
And 1 spiked tea with Veritaserum thanks to Lucius Malfoy who just couldn’t hear another, “ever heard of platform 9 ¾, well I know something else with the exact same length?” through the walls at 2am.

Draco would like to say that despite being drugged by the truth telling serum, he was smooth collected, and charming.

Although in reality he was bright red and scrunched up in the face while he yelled, “Hermione damn it! I’ve been trying to ask you out on a date!” during the middle of her class.

Trying to retain some of his dignity she ignored the comment and continued to teach.

Which then forced Draco to call out, “I could make you scream louder than a mandrake!”

Class ended early.

Due to being a member of ministry staff, she had to retain him until the effects of the potion was worn off. The shouting continued.

“I don’t need accio to make you come!” and “I’m very interested in exploring your Chamber of Secrets!”

After she was reassured that he was no longer feeling the effect of the potion she pressed herself into him and snogged him senseless.

In the end all she said was, “I thought you just really liked muggle literature!”

Draco Malfoy feels like it’s safe to say he retained his Slytherin Sex God title seeing as this was a part of his master plan the whole time. 

Lucius Malfoy on the other hand heard him screaming pick-up lines to Granger for an hour outside the classroom, and isn’t sure if either of them are sane.


End file.
